Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
