you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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