you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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