dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
