Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
