I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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