Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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