the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
