Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
