So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
