I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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