Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
