maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
