We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize