I am full of burrito and curiosity
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
