Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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