Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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