is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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