I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
