i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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