So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
