It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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