It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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