How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
