why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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