My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
