i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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