Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
