oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
