True but thats because hes a fetus.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
