i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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