sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
