Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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