Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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