I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
