i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
