I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
