WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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