You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
