just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't put those talents on a resume
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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