I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
