I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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