i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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