Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
