Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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