I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
