You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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