I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
