Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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