Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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