I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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