At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize