Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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