shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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