These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize