Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
accomplished twins. life is a go
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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