i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
