I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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