They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
