i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
