I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
