Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize