ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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