i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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