First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
