im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
