Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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