i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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