Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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