i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
