i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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