Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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